Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rant. Show all posts

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Under the heavy weight of shadows

A century later and moments of staleness and lack of religiosity have entered my life, and gone. Once spring hit I felt a resurgence of life, as Apollo shone stronger and brighter. But my day to day life doesn’t shine as brightly as I have worked for it. I still trudge along, trying every day to get out of bed, one more day, another, just to do what is necessary. And yet, uncertainty looms. It’s been over a year now and still…

The economy being in a steep downpour has affected the most important desire in my life, and yet I still cannot find myself to make it work. What am I doing wrong? Not enough meditation? Intent? Will? Wrong prayers? Tears and emotions and vocalized intent and petitions do nothing. I am still in the same place – the situation has not changed. I am at my wits ends. Reading about the successes of others, the divine presence, intervention, response to their Work, does nothing but question my process – and my beliefs.

It’s difficult to find a pattern and stick to it when you look at the past, and see that it has not worked. Daily prayers, offerings and requests go unheard. Ignored. What happens when you patron doesn’t answer? Any of them? My altar sits with various figures I honor regularly and yet I feel like a tree that has fallen in a forest and no one was around to hear me. I have bought Jason Miller’s book and watched his videos – thinking I should’ve maybe signed up for his classes. I’ve listened to various podcasts and skimmed through my books and nothing has seemed to change. My wording may be wrong, my Will might be muddied or a wall is in the way. A thick fog surely surrounds me, but I will not let it choke me yet.

Sigh...

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Silly Americans...

From Newsweek's Dumb Things American's Believe:

It seems obvious that it's not a good idea to put too much stock in witchcraft. But it turns out that 21 percent of Americans believe there are real sorcerors, conjurers, and warlocks out there. And that's just one of the several paranormal beliefs common among Americans, according to Gallup: 41 percent believe in ESP, 32 percent in ghosts, and a quarter in astrology. In fairness, the numbers in this poll are a little old—they date back to 2005. But then again, if people haven't changed their mind since the Enlightenment, it's not clear another half decade would make much difference.

Discussing and believing in such silly things!  I'm right in line with evolution-theory deniers, Obama's-a-muslim, Heliocentrism and not knowing the branches of the government. Well, shit...

Monday, August 16, 2010

Apopheniaphilia

I have an odd habit of questioning things I do, believe or see. Or hear. Or taste. It’s a sense of wonderment that most children have and many of them who never let go of this turn into scientists, historians or magicians. I have a bad habit of relying on my ‘gut instinct’ to figure if something feels odd or doesn’t make sense. But I’ve come to realize very early that such things as “common sense” aren’t really common in any sense (read: Not Always Right and it will grate your gears).

Common sense is dictated by education, experience, beliefs and expectation of things and what may seem common sense to me is not so for someone else. But more importantly, we view and analyze things based on one’s Ego.

I have been told plainly that reading too many books have made me ignorant. I fail to see the truth – whether religious or conspiracy related - because I just need to “research” it more. But it is flawed and biased research (unscholarly) to justify the developed Ego, the worldly Self. I discovered that not only do they live in a world ignorant of simple fallacies to their arguments, but is driven by Apophenia.

To my delight, Chris at the Infinite and the Beyond podcast interviewed the fantastic Lon Milo DuQuette on this very subject. My Ego tells me a Socratic quote over and over – The only thing you know is that you know nothing at all. My fear when I was younger was to be ignorant – to not know – and this is why I want to enter the field of Library Science. The more I read, research the more I discover how little I understand of the world, or the myriad of cultures - of their customs and symbology that I am unaware of. To claim to know the inner workings of a secret world or universe with concrete assurance when some can barely solve calculus or complete basic tax forms seems hubristic. Seems very human.

We are beings that love order; structure. We love finding clues and hints that give in to our preconceived notions of things, to prove to us that we are right - in the right path - whichever that may be. We associate with others that hold the same view and reinforce it – whether political or even music-wise (“The new Burzum album is for fags.”) Scientists use these clues in a very strict methodology, while in occult and pagan areas, we have our own version. This is true for those in conspiracy circles or right-winged religious zealots (like my apocalyptic grandmother). When the earthquake hit Haiti everyone began putting attention to the amount of seismic activity happening – therefore the end of the world was nigh, again. Confirmation bias, in essence. Ignoring the fact that tectonic movement happens daily, every minute... they didn’t want to hear it, because it reaffirms their belief; it matches up to their Ego. To be wrong is anathema to their existence: it discredits who they think they Are. I hold a strong sense of wonder and skepticality in my life, which has affected all areas of my life. However when the universe throws at you some sign, how can I differentiate it from something my Ego wants in order to keep appearances? My own biases have sullied certain paths I could have taken earlier, to my chagrin.

So I shed, I remove. Analyzing the subjective from the objective. Years ago I would view certain situations in my life with different colored glasses – I would sit down and switch my brain within specific belief systems I had studied or been part of, and the decisions, meaning and vibrations of it would change. Now it’s relearning that while it is well for it to serve as a method of understanding, it is not a method of being. Shedding it – clear lenses to not have a myopic view on what is before me. Not saying that this will be easy, especially when dealing with the Thoth and Liber 777, but I’m giving it a try.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Vampires and Dionysus

While I don't expect the gods to be portrayed in a positive light within mainstream media, I was not expecting the turn that HBO's show True Blood took, since it follows a series of novels. Yes, I will openly admit here - I am a fan of cheesy vampire fiction - I can't help it. I should know better. I have read of all Charlaine Harris's books on the Sookie / Southern Vampire stories, and I was looking forward to how they dealt with the storyline of the Maenad. While the stories themselves have deviated considerably to allow more time between characters and plots, this means that the Maenad has ended up with a larger role and characterization in the tv show than in the books. One that is just trite in errors.

I was actually quite excited to hear Dionysos' epithets mentioned in tv - I can only recall a few like Bromios, Bakkhos and 'Hekos, o hekas, este bebeloi' Unfortunately they butcher it because instead of Io! Io! Bromios! it is written out as Lo Lo Bromios!

When the character of Maryann is finally revealed to be a Maenad in a discussion between two characters: Daphne making the reveal to Sam, telling him that according to the Greeks, they are handmaidens of Dionysus, the god of wine. After a few dialogue sentences we get the full meaning of what really is going on -

"Guess what else they call him? The Horned God. Sound familiar?"

"Satan?"

"Dionysus, Satan - it's really just a kind of energy; wild energy. Lust, anger, excess, violence. Basically all the fun stuff."

And there we have it folks. While the book did not venture into some correlation between Dionysus and Satan, the producers and Alan Ball felt that it had to, for spookier plot.

While in the book the Maenad would travel seeking tribute in the shape of some sort of sacrifice, it does not seem as such within the show as she seems to take as she pleases, which I guess is the way of honoring Him, while portraying her to be a vile, manipulating, two-faced demon woman. Makes me feel warm inside.

XXVII. TO MERCURY

Hermes, draw near, and to my pray'r incline, angel of Jove, and Maia's son divine; Studious of contests, ruler of mankind, with heart almighty, and a prudent mind. Celestial messenger, of various skill, whose pow'rful arts could watchful Argus kill: With winged feet, 'tis thine thro' air to course, O friend of man, and prophet of discourse: Great life-supporter, to rejoice is thine, in arts gymnastic, and in fraud divine: With pow'r endu'd all language to explain, of

care the loos'ner, and the source of gain. Whose hand contains of blameless peace the rod, Kerukeion, blessed, profitable God; Of various speech, whose aid in works we find, and in necessities to mortals kind: Dire weapon of the tongue, which men revere, be present, Hermes, and thy suppliant hear; Assist my works, conclude my life with peace, give graceful speech, and me memory's increase.


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